The Sleeping Bear Awakens

March 4, 2017

He's back. For a fleeting moment it seemed like 2009 today on Clover Fork Lane. The Yellow Ball came to life, taking 2 out of the first 3 games. The other went to world number 1, Jack Williams. The well-documented losing streak of Greg Brooks ended at approximately 1:46 p.m. EST, 24 games and 3 months into the 2017 campaign. Fans soaked up the nostalgia as Arnie and Jack made one last walk up 18 with two games to play. As Yellow hoisted the trophy to the Battle of Bristol, Orange and Black each tallied a win in the final two games of the day, moving them into 3rd and 4th in the world, respectively.

Class of 82 & 83 Valedictorians

A reinvigorated Yellow forged quick leads and exhibited on-target shot making in his two wins. "It's great to see the old guys get a couple of wins out here," said a smiling Jesse Booher (Orange). "Despite Yellow's declining physical abilities, that fire still burns inside!" said Robbie Pryor after the disappointment of two blown wins. "He knows how to play on the big stage. You can't take anything for granted out here," added Pryor. With the wins, Yellow jumped all the way to number 7 in the world rankings just behind Clark Gross (Blue), who reportedly was in the field, and Guy Davis (Green), who missed this week's action to participate in an Iron Man Triathlon. The minivan in the NASCAR race today was Clark Gross, a position he is getting used to. You can't miss a week out here.

The day really got interesting when Dougy Thomas rocked onto the scene. Playing the purple ball like it has never been played, the world's biggest David Coverdale fan succeeded in bringing love and rock to the game. Then, while continuously clanging into wickets and wandering into the line of other players, Dougy and a non-playing Catman (Kenneth Park) talked at length about 1983, 84 and 85. While the two regaled the young Pryor and Booher with stories about the high school days of Brooks, Williams and Gross, - when they were all apparently valedictorians and starting quarterbacks - Black and Orange were making quick work of the Archie Bunker fans.

The day ended with a good feel to it, as Yellow was once again joking and smiling. It's a long season and there is great parity in the game. These guys are good. FedEx Standings:

T1 Jack Williams and John Kenny
3 Jesse Booher
T4 Robbie Pryor and Guy Davis
6 Clark Gross
7 Greg Brooks

Legends Rise and Fall at CFC

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Overnight storms brought cooler temperatures to the pitch at Clover Fork on Saturday, but the competition couldn't have been hotter. The game came together after late-night texting among the group as player after player cancelled Saturday plans with people they love to converge on Clover Fork Drive for a war among rivals. Williams (Red), Brooks (Yellow), Davis (Green), Pryor (Black), and Booher (Orange) took to the battlefield against world number 1, John Kenny (Purple), at 1:00 p.m. before a sold out crowd and a worldwide television audience. It was Orange's first action of the year, and the youngest player at CFC apparently didn't need a game to shake off the rust. Orange, running his no huddle offense, made quick work of the stunned field and got his name on the board first.

Legends going in opposite directions

The world number 1 did not disappoint, winning game two, but his hold on the top spot would prove fleeting. The final two games of the day shook the league to its core. Two legends of the game, men who have more starts at CFC than any of the other league players - combined - proved that one was clearly not done with a run at the top, while the other is seemingly ready for a rocking chair. With his wife and daughter making a rare Saturday appearance to support their man, Jack Williams ran off two wins to grab the number 1 spot. In typical Williams fashion, combining manipulation and fantastic shot making, the Red ball managed to get to the post twice. Though there has been recent speculation and rumor that the first inductee to the CFC Hall of Fame has been spotted at the Low T Center in Farragut (a rumor his spokesman, Guy Davis, has adamantly and categorically denied), Williams seems to be back to his old self. His sweet bride, who seemed very disappointed there was no prize money at the event was less than enthusiastic about the day's developments. "I'll have to listen to this all week!" she said. "At least we'll get a break from the 83' FHS Yearbook."

In a sad and shocking development, The Commissioner, the second man to induct himself into the Hall of Fame, continues to struggle. After sending himself into the driveway and then, in the same game, under the elm in his neighbor's yard, Brooks dejectedly exited the field of battle 0 for 4, bringing his winless streak (stretching back to 2016) to 0 for 22. Guy Davis and Robbie Pryor supported one another to the tune of a winless Saturday. It certainly appears that Pryor's week of interviews and talk show appearances has taken a toll. FedEx Standings:

1. Jack Williams
2. John Kenny
3. Guy Davis
4. Robbie Pryor
5. Clark Gross
T6 Others

News and Notes - Clark Gross was traveling abroad to see famed sports psychologist Tangerine Tulley and hopes to return soon. Newport Tobacco withdrew their newly inked sponsorship of Guy Davis. Their absence was quickly filled by Jim's Vape Shop.

Players Jockey for Position

February 19, 2017 -

Big day for Pryor

Players continue to jockey for position in the early days of the 2017 croquet season. On Sunday afternoon, the top 6 players in the world took to the pitch in four "scrappy" and competitive games. Hall of Famer, Jack Williams (Red) took a lengthy game one after making two clutch shots at the middle wicket. As the weather began to heat up, so did the play of 2016 Rookie of the Year, Robbie Pryor (Black). Pryor, viewed by many as the best ball-striker to enter the league in years, made a significant move coming out of the Bermuda Triangle and went on to an easy win in the second game. World number one, John Kenny (Purple), seems to have picked up right where the 2016 season ended. Known for his focused and deliberate play,  Kenny continued his excellent shot making while annoying his competitors with slow play and an understated, yet clearly identifiable arrogance.

The fourth game provided the most drama of the day as everyone challenged for the lead and the win. As Williams and his pawn, Guy Davis (Green), debated the means by which Williams would screw Davis over and win, Pryor, Kenny and Greg Brooks (Yellow) all squandered opportunities to take the final battle of the day. Clark Gross (Blue), who shocked the croquet world last week with a 2-win performance, amazed and surprised the field with a run to Amen Corner.  Gross then returned to his usual comedic form when he clanked a short shot at Amen Corner. Yellow, to everyone's surprise and delight, made the most glaring unforced error of the young season. After back and forth taunting between Brooks and Gross early in the game, Brooks "took the bait" and, instead of clearing Amen Corner and securing the sure win, went after Gross. The move required a frustrated Brooks to burn a shot and left the door open for Kenny. Purple, after negotiating the final sprint to the finish, uncharacteristically blew his setup shot for the final wicket and was forced to helplessly watch as Pryor expertly maneuver the final three wickets to grab the win and establish his dominance on this beautiful Sunday afternoon.  The two-win Sunday brought Pryor within 2 wins of the coveted Number 1 ranking. "He reminds me of myself 15 years ago," said a seemingly proud Jack Williams. For Gross and Davis, it was a disappointing day, but it was the surprising continued winless streak by Hall of Famer Brooks that cast a shadow over Clover Fork this day. The Commish's 0 for 11 start has been disappointing to fans and sponsors alike. When considered with his concerning finish in 2016, the press and fans alike have raised questions whether the game has passed him by. Yellow's performance has done nothing but add to the rumors and questions surrounding his Seal Team 6 Training Program and high-carb diet.

"I don't know what is going on," a clearly jubilant Jack Williams said. "I'll tell you one thing...It's hilarious."Meanwhile, Davis, who started the season quickly but hasn't managed a win in several weeks, voiced concern over Yellow's struggles. "He's an ass, but the league needs him." Brooks was unavailable for comment as he failed to show at the mandatory press conference. "Check the trophy case!" he mumbled while entering the garage.

In business news, Davis inked a sponsorship deal with Newport Tobacco and Kamchatka Vodka, distilled in Canton, Ohio. The current FedEx standings:

1. John Kenny
2. Jack Williams
3. Guy Davis
4. Robbie Pryor
5. Clark Gross
6. Greg Brooks
7. Ken Park